Patch

I was awaken by some very hard pokes to the rib cage. The pokes came from a stick being held by the ugliest Indian in the world, maybe the ugliest person in the world.

Rich and I left the Canadian River, New Mexico area with the Oldham County Texas sheriff deputies hot on our ass. The New Mexico/Texas state line did not hold much meaning to those guys.

The rain saved us from the Texas County Mounties. See, they were driving a Chevy Blazer and I was driving an F-150 Ford. The rain turned the New Mexico dirt roads into skating tracks. The last we seen of the county mounties was that blazer sliding off the road, down an embankment into the Canadian River. Ya man, good old F-150!

Finally made it to Tucumcari, New Mexico and I-40, west bound. At Albuquerque, we cut north to Farmington; there I tried contacting my unnamed Air Force buddy at Cannon AFB. Could not touch bases with him, no answer on his cell or home phone.
Picking up highway 550 to Shiprock, who do we pass hitchhiking, none other then my A.F. buddy. Slamming on the brakes, I backup and stop. My buddy hops in the truck and says, thanks Rob, you cost me my Air Force Commission. What? How the heck did I cost you your commission? Passing UFO information to you is how. UFO information is top secret Rob, and my passing that info to you was against regulations. Wow, how did anyone know that you were passing me info about UFOs. Rob with the Patriot Act in force, THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYBODY.

That explains why they arrested us, pipes up Rich, it wasn’t the bumper sticker after all! I’ll bet those cops weren’t from Oldham County, but are FBI, CIA or something maybe worse.

What’s worse then FBI or CIA I ask Rich?

Who knows nowadays he answers, everything in Washington is secret. Probably some secret anti-terrorist organization set up by the White House.

Well if those two guys were sent out here to catch us came from the White House that would explain why they were running around Texas in a Chevy Blazer. Dumb. Do you think those idiots in the White House think UFOs belong to al Qaeda, I ask?

Dave speaks up, The White House blames everything on terrorist.

I guess I can give out my Air Force buddy’s name now. Major, now ex Major Dave Jones, who was an Intelligent Officer for the Air Force. Now on the lam with crazy Rich and me, with who knows who after us.

Dave, what’s our next move, I ask. We have to find an Indian named Tony Begaye, somewhere in or around Shiprock, he answers. Actually it’s more then likely he will find us. He knows something about UFOs that use the Navajo Nation as a staging ground.

As the Navajo Nation comprises 25,000 square miles, finding someone without revealing one’s presence could be a problem, don’t you think Dave? Rob my informant said ask one Navajo about UFO Tony Begaye and go park somewhere and Begaye will find you. Sounds Like a plan to me, lets go.

Driving into Shiprock, we stop next to the first Indian we see. Rich jumps out and asked the Navajo did he know UFO Tony Begaye. Never heard of an Indian named that he answered. Well says Rich, there anyplace to camp around here. You guys give me a lift out to my place says the Indian and I’ll show you a place to camp. OK, hop in the back and let’s go.

Now Shiprock is both a small town and a mountain. The Navajo’s place is not too far from the mountain. The Navajo’s home was a good 5 miles back a dirt track, from there he directed us another 2 miles to a nice camp spot. This place where we are camping has a nice little spring and a couple pinion trees for shade. Dave, Rich, and I have been here for two days, waiting for this Tony Begaye to find us.

The morning of the third day is when I woke up with the ugliest Indian in the world poking me in ribs. The Indian says, you awake? I’m Tony Begaye and I hear you guys are looking for me. Hell yes we’re looking for you. Why, he wants to know? We have info that you know something about UFOs. Maybe, he answers.

While we’re talking I’m slowly going cross eyed, as I’m staring down the muzzle of a Marlin model 336c rifle in the caliber of 30-30 I judge. Ah, Tony, there any reason to be pointing that gun at me I ask? If you’re an alien, then yes I do he answers, if your human then no. Well I’m human Tony, now Rich over there I’m not to sure about. Now if the ugliest Indian in the world is going to point a rifle at someone, I’d just soon it be Rich as me.

All this talking finally wakes up my two partners, and we all sit up looking at this Indian.

Which one is Rich?

The one with the aluminum foil around his head, I answer.

The Navajo glances at Rich, but the rifle muzzle doesn’t as much as quiver.

Looking back at me he asks, are you the one in charge? Are you human?

Yes, I’m human even if I’m running around with a crazy man that keeps aluminum foil wrapped around his head.

The ugliest Indian in the world sets the rifle down and asks, I guess you want me to show you the UFO landing spot.


Damn right we all answer, that why we’re looking for you. Where’s it at, we all ask at the same time.

On the north side of Navajo Mountain answers Tony and we’ll have to get there by horseback.

Holly cow, Tony I exclaim, that’s over 100 miles from here, go by horseback? How are we going to get across a 100 miles of desert on horses? Man the temperature is going over 100 degrees during the day, what about water, food? Why horses?

Because there are 53 White House secret agents searching for you guys, answers Tony and if we go by highway they will spot us.

Dave asks, Tony do you know who is directing these agents?

They are under direct control of President Bush.

Hearing this bit of news we all sigh with relief, if that dummy Bush is in charge, then things aren’t too bad and we have a chance

This also explains why the agents are running around in Chevy’s and not Fords or Dodge Rams.

No it doesn’t Rob, says Rich, if Bush decided on what vehicle they were to use, they would be driving something from Japan or Korea.

Now Rich may be crazy, but he’s not stupid, he is most likely right on that score.

Tony explains that he will get the horses and enough supplies to get us over to Many Farms in Arizona, There we can re supply, then go north to Kayenta. I have friends that will hide us in both places Tony continues, and give us the latest news on the White House Agents. Be ready to leave day after tomorrow, I’ll have everything we’ll need said Tony.

Bring us some cowboy clothes and hats, said Dave, so we’ll look more like locals. Rob, We’ll have to camouflage the truck, Bush will think of satellites sooner or later.

Two mornings later, about an hour before daylight, Tony Begaye, again woke me up by poking me with stick. Motioning me to be quiet and to follow him, Tony led me away from camp, leaving the others sleeping. You sure you want to keep chasing UFOs, Tony ask, pointing to a large UFO that’s making its way across the desert in a northwest direction.

I think so I answered Tony, these UFOs seem to be leading me somewhere.

Well you better be sure he says. Do you think I was born this ugly, Tony asked? I was a pretty much a normal looking Indian until I was abducted he continued, now look at me.

We’re standing there watching this UFO slowly making its way to the northwest. Tony goes on saying he thinks Rich is an alien spy and that Rich probably has a computer chip and transmitter implanted in his head so he can send messages and info to the alien spaceship and that Rich most likely doesn’t know this.

Tony, I ask, can you get us to Many Farms alive? Sure Rob, no problem with doing that as long as those secret agents don’t discover us. Tony I only counted three saddle horses, that’s one short by my count.

I don’t ride horses Rob, to hard on the butt, I walk where ever I go, he answers.

You’re going to walk?

Ya, Rob, that’s not a problem, the problem is that helicopter that’s coming right at us.

Sure enough there’s a Blackhawk, all black with no running lights. Tony and I watched as the Blackhawk came closer, Bush’s guys no doubt. The pilot turned the choppers spot light on us and start to speak over the loud speaker when in a nanosecond the UFO was there and sucked the Blackhawk up and sped away to the northwest at the speed of light.

Another big eyes and brown shorts moment. Rich and Dave came running over shouting, what the hells going on, Rob, what the hell’s going on? A UFO just saved us from Bush’s secret agents I replied.

Wow, they both looked confused, how did that happen? The UFO sucked it up like a giant vacuum truck. Guys I continue, Tony asked me if I was sure about this UFO stuff, and I’m asking you both the same thing. Do you want to continue or not?

Rob, you got us this far, we’ll go the whole way with you. What can happen?

What can happen? Let me count, 1st , we could die of thirst trying to cross the reservation. Or Bush’s agents could spot us and make us disappear just for starters, I tell them both.
Then one of those UFOs might suck us up next. Or Rich, you could get snake bit again.

Tony Begaye speaks up, let’s go, we’re wasting daylight. We need to get out in the desert where Bush’s guys can’t find us.

So Patch, here I sit Sunday morning June 26th, not on a horse but a mule. I’m starting to feel like George Hayduke leading the Monkey Wrench Gang. Dave, Rich, and I are placing our lives in the hands of the ugliest Indian in the world and we are going to attempt to cross some of the roughest land in the U.S, at the hottest time of the year.

Patch if you never hear from me again, don’t worry, I either died out here in the Nation somewhere or an UFO has me. Worse things could happen to a guy.

Rob.

Posted By Patches