Patch

The slot canyon that Rob and Dave used to escape the commandos.

Major Dave Jones, ex USAF intel Officer

.50 Cal. Rifle



“In the morning boot up this computer and your plan of operations can be read, follow the plan exactly and you will accomplish the mission.”

In the morning, I awoke slowly, could not get my eyes open, my brain felt sluggish. I finally struggled over to our water supply and drank some water. I felt drugged and as I thought about it I realized I had been drugged. I went over to Dave and tried to wake him, he also appears to be drugged. Glancing around, I seen that both Tony and Rich were gone, also most of our gear and all the horses. What the heck is going on now?

Dave slowly comes to and asks “what’s going on Rob?”

“Don’t know Dave but it looks like we’ve been abandoned”

“What are you talking about?”

“Tony, Rich, and almost all of our stuff is gone”

“Gone?”

“Ya, gone.”

Dave staggers over and we start looking around, we see tracks where the stock and one set of boot tracks head up canyon. This has to be the walking Indian, as he is the only one of us that wears cowboy boots.

We continue looking around and soon discover another set of tracks going down canyon. This has to be Rich.

Dave and I stand there dumbfounded; trying to figure out what the hell is going on. One of those two, Rich or Tony, had to drug our coffee last night. That’s when it sunk in that the UFOs were also gone! Oh Man, I thought, Dave and I are in trouble.

“Dave lets see what we have and then make a plan on what to do.”

We didn’t have much, two backpacks, two sleeping bags and two water bladders.

Looking around again, I see my laptop laying under a rock, rolling the rock off the computer I see that it is smashed and broken.

Dave walks over, looks at the computer, “Our plan of action was on there, now what?”

I’m standing there staring at the broken computer, again thinking, “Now what”, when one of the beach ball UFOs zooms up and reaches out with about 10 of those spider web tentacles and takes the computer. We watch in amazement as the UFO stuffs the computer into itself

The UFO starts spinning at a rapid rate, then after a few minutes it pulls the computer back out and sets it on the ground, and takes off up and over the canyon rim.

I pick it up and examine it, looks brand new and boots right up. Wow, these UFOs are cool!

As I’m examining the computer, the UFO comes zooming back, scaring the devil out of Dave and me. The darn things don’t make a sound and if you don’t see one coming they seem to just appear.

This one moves over to where are packs are and starts disgorging stuff, the thing looks like its taking a crap. When it’s finished dropping stuff, it zooms away.

We walk over to see what it had left us and the first thing I see is my .50 caliber rifle, the one the UFO took when I tried to shoot it out in the black rock desert.

We go through the rest of the stuff, there is 2 of what looks like energy bars, some kind of handheld device of unknown use, about 50 rounds of ammo for the rifle, and 2 blankets made of some kind of unknown material.

We open the blankets up and discover that they are in fact light shields of about 10 x 12 ft. square and only weigh at best 2 oz... Dave wraps his self up in his and promptly disappears right in front of my eyes. WOW

Dave lowers the blanket down around his shoulders, and only his head is visible, he looks like the headless horseman without his horse. I try my blanket and get the same results. The really cool thing is that you can see right through the shield, it’s like being the invisible man. From the inside, the blanket looks like a pale yellow fabric, it’s like wearing a pair of those yellow tinted sunglasses.

Dave walks over and says, ”Rob, these are great, but have one problem, if you was to lay one light side down it would disappear and be almost impossible to find.”

“Your right Dave, we’ll have to be careful not to lose them, I have the feeling they are going to be invaluable to us and soon.”

Next we checkout the wafer bars, they have to be food of some sort. The bars are a little bit larger then a Heresy Bar and about 10 millimeters thick. Taking a bite out of one and what a surprise, it taste like fried eggs and as I’m chewing on it the energy bar grows back to its original size. “Dave take a bite, its like eating eggs.”

Dave tries a small bite, “mine taste like bacon.” He comments. And as he’s talking, his bar also grows back.

I take another bite of mine and now it taste like bacon. “What I think, Dave, is this bar will taste like whatever you want it to taste like.”

Dave looks at his energy bar and says, “Bar taste like a very good steak.” Wow your right Rob, try something,” he exclaims.

“OK, energy bar taste like a strawberry milkshake” I tell the bar. And it does, not only taste like strawberries, but also feels cold. “Your steak hot,” I ask Dave.

“Ya, it is,” he replies.

“Well looks we’re set for food, I wonder how long one bar will last?”

My attention moves to the rifle ammo as I continue munching on the energy bar, making it taste like bacon and eggs. The shells look the same but the bullets are different. “Dave, look at these shells, the bullets appear to have been modified.”

Dave takes one and examines it and agrees that the bullet is something we have never seen before. Dave picks up the rifle and loads a shell in the camber. “Fits alright, have to shoot it and see what happens. And Rob, the scope has been modified to, check it out,” and hands me the rifle.

Ejecting the shell, I look over the scope, “Your right, the scope has a laser and range finder built into it. I think the UFOs have done this and I also think they expect that we will have to use it.”

Dave loads the 5 shell clip and tells me to load the rifle as we may need to use it at any time. I stick the clip in and chamber a round, making sure the safety is on.

We finish eating, put everything in the packs and turn on the computer, it boots up with the following message on the screen.

Rob
To survive you must follow these directions as close as possible. The laws of our world forbids us to kill another life form, we have chosen you to kill for us! We can only save life, so if some life form needs killed we have to get another life form to do it. In order to save your world, the President Bush Robots need to be destroyed. Yes, the clones are robots, not clones!

“Dave you reading this?” I ask.

“Ya, Rob, I am.”

I continued to read, Not only do you have to destroy the robots but you have to destroy the person that built them, the Reverend William Robert James, or as he calls himself, “The Rev. Billy Bob Jimmy.”

As you have discovered the energy bars are food, the bars will last 20 earth years, no matter how much you eat.

The rifle bullets are not bullets but more like guided rockets, the rifle scope will guide the bullet to whatever you have the scope aimed at.

The hand held device is a modified GPS unit, it will guide you to wherever it is programmed to. The, as you call them, beach balls will lay down a magnetic trail that the device will detect, a map will appear on the screen, all you have to do is follow the map.

The light shields have a limited amount of energy, you must conserve this energy, use the shields as sparingly as possible. Keep them folded light side in and in the pouch that they came in.

More instructions will come, right now you have to get out of this canyon, and Bush’s commandoes are close. The GPS will lead you to Mexican Hat, Utah. There you are to contact a Mormon farmer named Jacob Hamblin. Now pack up and go!!!

We quickly pack up, turn on the GPS and following the pointer, head off down the canyon. The exit of the canyon amphitheater is a narrow slot, barely wide enough to walk through. Man would it be great to be hiking here under better circumstances, this canyon is absolutely beautiful.

Just as we start into the slot, we hear helicopters coming, they fly down into the amphitheater, Blackhawks, two commandoes in each, they immediately start searching the canyon and soon discover our campsite and the trails we made leading up and down the canyon.

Dave and I stop watching and take off down canyon, running as fast as we can. There’s no place to go but down, as the canyon walls at this point must be 300 ft. high. After running close to a mile the GPS unit starts to beep, stopping to look at it, the pointer is pointing back up the canyon. We put our faith in the GPS and work our way back up the canyon. A hundred yards later the pointer points at the left side of the canyon. Looking up, we can see a crack in the canyon wall, it is about 12 ft. above us. I lean against the wall and Dave claims up my back and peeks in the crack.

“Rob, it’s another slot, but it’s so narrow I don’t think we can get through it.” Dave tells me.

“Has to be the way,” I reply, “go head and climb in and help me up.”

Dave climbs in and using his belt as a rope helps me climb up and into the canyon. The canyon is so narrow we can’t wear our packs and have to step sideways to move up the canyon. We hear the commandos running down the canyon and can only hope they don’t look up and see this side canyon.

The first half mile of this canyon is so steep it’s as much climbing as hiking. After this first half mile the canyon levels out some, the canyon walls are only 15 to 20 ft. high now. As we keep sliding up the slot it appears as if the walls are coming down, soon we are able to look over the rim. The canyon is running across a ridge of slick rock, smooth as a babies butt.

The GPS map keeps us in the slot; we now have to bend over to keep from exposing ourselves to anyone watching the ridge. We assume there is a helicopter or commando around somewhere close.

After another half mile of this we are down on our hands and knees. The rock is killing our hands and knees, the rock looks smooth but has a very rough texture. At this point we can see where the canyon ends, right in the middle of the open ridge.

We are in more of a ditch then a canyon now. Laying there resting, we stick our heads up just enough to look around, and there off to right about 400 meters away is RICH!!

Dave looks at me and says, ”How in the hell did he get up here and what is he doing.”

Well he’s not doing anything, just standing there kind of looking around and still acting like a zombie.

“Rob, we gotta go get him.” Dave starts to get up, but I grap him and pull him back into the ditch.

“Helicopter coming” I tell Dave,”wait a minute.”

As we watch, one of those Kiowa choppers came flying down the ridge and must have seen Rich, as it pitched up into a hover. And then to our horror the Kiowa opens fire, it lets lose three 5 second volleys and blow poor Rich away. The rounds blow Rich across the slick rock like a tin can, we can hardly believe our eyes.

“Why those Sons of Bitches didn’t have do that” cries out Dave, “What the Hell?”

We watch the chopper fly over to Rich and land. One of the pilots gets out walks over and gives the body a kick and I lose it

I ease the .50 cal rifle up and take aim at the chopper, click off the safety, wait until the pilot gets back in, then squeeze off a round. POW----Ka-Boom, the chopper blows up into a thousand pieces, parts fly over a hundred meters and a huge fire ball erupts and burns for about 20 seconds.

I jump up, yelling, “Come on Dave, lets get across this ridge before reinforcements show up.” Grabbing our gear we take off across the ridge and drop into another ditch on the opposite side of the ridge. We move down this ridge until we come to a overhang that we can hide under.

Within 5 minutes, there are ten helicopter on the ridge, with about 40 commandos. We watch as they inspect the wreckage.

“Rob, I think they think the Kiowa crashed”

Dave no more then spoke when the commandos discovered Rich’s body. Now they are spreading out in a search grid and start moving our way.

“Rob, whatta you think, I think we better back out of here.”

“Ya, Dave start crawling down the ditch, they’ll find us here.” I reply.

The ditch only goes about a hundred meters and peters out on slick rock.

“Dave, break out the light shields and we’ll use them to get the rest of the way across this slick rock. Crawl toward that break in the canyon wall, the GPS, says that’s the way to go.”

I no more then told Dave this when 5 commandos came hiking out of the very break, blocking our way. Glancing around I see we are surrounded, if the light shields fail we are dead ducks.

Dave and I pull the shields over us and watch to see what the commandos are going to do. I wonder what the shields look like from the outside, I look to where Dave was and all I see is a rock, that settled that question, they look like rocks.

Now the commandos are all around us and we listen as they try to figure out what happened. One commando with sergeant stripes steps over right next to me, I feel the shield stiffen as the sergeant sits down right on the shield. I bet the shield not only looks like a rock, but feels like rock and the commando is using it for a seat.

I can’t resist, I carefully rummage around in my pack and find the safety pin I knew was in it. I open the pin and straighten it out, reach up and jab the sergeant commando right in the ass as hard as I can. The sergeant jumps up screaming “AW,AW,AW,” drops his weapon on the rocks causing it to go off, emptying a whole clip of ammo, spraying bullets everywhere. There are commandos jumping, diving and hopping everywhere, the sergeant is dropping his pants and grapping his ass still yelling, “ AW,AW,AW, son of a bitch.”

Damn sergeant, “What hells wrong with you?” an officer yells at him, as things start to settle down.

“Something bit the hell out of me,” he replies.

Three of the commandos are wounded, and start screaming for a medic. The officer gets on the radio and calls for help. One of the Blackhawks flies over picks up the wounded commandos and the sergeant who thinks he’s been bitten by a scorpion. The Blackhawk takes off with the wounded, leaving the rest of the commando wondering just what the heck is going on.

The commandos can’t believe they can’t find us, they had the slot canyon completely surrounded but we weren’t seen. They finally agree that we must still be in the canyon and they lay plans to search it again in the morning. A call comes over the radio and the officer orders everyone back to the choppers. As they walk off I hear one of the commandos mutter, “I’m sure glad it’s not me that has to tell the President that the UFO guys got away again, he’s going to have some ones head.”

Soon as the commandos get some distance from us, I lift one corner of my shield enough that Dave can see me. He lifts his shield and asks, “What you think, Rob”

“I think we should crawl over to the next canyon and put some distance between us and this commando team.”

This what we do, keeping the shields over us, we crawl over the slick rock and down into the next canyon. We fold the shields up, put our packs on and take off using the GPS unit as a guide. It’s almost dark but we don’t stop, we keep going this time up canyon, until the GPS unit starts to beep. It shows a one word message, ”satellite”. We quickly find an overhang in the canyon wall and set up a camp for the night.

Jacob Hamblin? The only Jacob Hamblin I know of was a Mormon pioneer who settled in southeast Utah in the 1850’s, and I never heard of the Rev. Billy Bob Jimmy, I wonder who he is?