Patch

Today, I received a memo from my boss saying, “The new year starts now.”

1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks

2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter next year.

3. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.

4. We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.

5. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.

6. The company is endeavorily determined to promote constant attention on current procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis on innovative ways to better, if not supersede, the expectations of quality! (What???)

&. Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.”



Also, from my buddy Joe.

Joe O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night.”

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

Joe said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, Joe!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of Joe’s drinkingbuddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, “Joe won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. ”

“Indeed?!”, he replied.

“Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

Patch